Quarter-Life Crisis

I’ve coined this term “quarter-life crisis” (and maybe I’m not the first to say it lol) because I’ve experienced about 17 of them.  You always hear about people having a mid-life crisis, but you can’t tell me we don’t also have a quarter-life crisis.  I’m 27 years old, and I am constantly trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life, what is my “calling”, what is the meaning of life, am I being the best person I can be, etc. etc. etc.  I sometimes wish I didn’t have  such high expectations for my life because I feel there is the possibility that I will never get over this feeling of not-knowing and of not being satisfied.  There are a lot of things that I love doing and being involved in, but am I good at any of them? I’m not so sure.  It’s funny how when one thing in your life is right, it seems that everything else is so wrong.  I have a husband that is all I could ever ask for.  I mean really he is an amazing guy and he makes me want to be better.  I feel that this part of my life is figured out.  The rest of my life… not so much.  This is where the quarter-life crisis comes in.  I feel like maybe I’m not doing something right, maybe I’m not on the right track.  It is really insane how much I think about this.  I believe in visualizing and positive thinking, and I do this as much as I can, but there are those times when I just get impatient.  I know a lot of people who are around the same age as me that have similar feelings, and unfortunately I don’t have any solution.  I’m really just ranting because, as you may have guessed, I’m in the middle of my 18th quarter-life crisis. 

Troy Davis

This is the kind of thing that just makes your heart sink.  It was preventable.  I know nothing in this world is perfect, and our justice system is no exception, but still, I feel like this is more than simply a flawed justice system.  I signed the petition along with over a million other people.  But I could have done more, we all should have done more, but in the end, would it have made a difference?  Troy’s fate was in the hands of a few people that will forever have his death on their conscious.  I hope at the very least, this changes some people’s outlook on the death penalty.   We will all go on living our lives, and it up to us to keep the memory of this tragedy fresh, so that it never happens again.  I pray to God that he gives Troy’s family peace and that he looks over Troy’s soul, and the souls of those who supported him, as well as those who made the decision to execute an innocent man. 

A Letter from Troy-

To All:

I want to thank all of you for your efforts and dedication to Human Rights and Human Kindness, in the past year I have experienced such emotion, joy, sadness and never ending faith. It is because of all of you that I am alive today, as I look at my sister Martina I am marveled by the love she has for me and of course I worry about her and her health, but as she tells me she is the eldest and she will not back down from this fight to save my life and prove to the world that I am innocent of this terrible crime.

As I look at my mail from across the globe, from places I have never ever dreamed I would know about and people speaking languages and expressing cultures and religions I could only hope to one day see first hand. I am humbled by the emotion that fills my heart with overwhelming, overflowing Joy. I can’t even explain the insurgence of emotion I feel when I try to express the strength I draw from you all, it compounds my faith and it shows me yet again that this is not a case about the death penalty, this is not a case about Troy Davis, this is a case about Justice and the Human Spirit to see Justice prevail.

I cannot answer all of your letters but I do read them all, I cannot see you all but I can imagine your faces, I cannot hear you speak but your letters take me to the far reaches of the world, I cannot touch you physically but I feel your warmth everyday I exist.

So Thank you and remember I am in a place where execution can only destroy your physical form but because of my faith in God, my family and all of you I have been spiritually free for some time and no matter what happens in the days, weeks to come, this Movement to end the death penalty, to seek true justice, to expose a system that fails to protect the innocent must be accelerated. There are so many more Troy Davis’. This fight to end the death penalty is not won or lost through me but through our strength to move forward and save every innocent person in captivity around the globe. We need to dismantle this Unjust system city by city, state by state and country by country.

I can’t wait to Stand with you, no matter if that is in physical or spiritual form, I will one day be announcing,

” I AM TROY DAVIS, and I AM FREE!”

Never Stop Fighting for Justice and We will Win!

Love…

Love is such a gift.  It is the best part of humanity.  And I’m not just speaking of the love you find in a partner, I’m talking about the love of your family, friends, the love a stranger may show you through kindness, but most of all, the love you have for yourself.  I feel very grateful that recent changes have caused my family to come together even tighter then we already were and discuss what we can all do to be better, more understanding, and helpful to not only each other but to ourselves.  I know I’m kind of rambling and these are just some thoughts that I wanted to get out and share with whomever is interested.  I can remember a time when I didn’t understand how important it was to love myself.  I always thought that if I loved myself more than other people, that meant that I was selfish.  I think it took being mistreated for a very long time in order for me to realize that before I could love someone else, I needed to love myself.  This realization LITERALLY changed my life.  It is so clear how powerful love is.  How much you can help someone and change their day and maybe even their life, with just a little kindness.  I have learned so much in the last few months about the human spirit and how much I have to be grateful for.  I believe in God fully, but I also believe that humans have to have power over their lives and the impact we have on others.  I am so moved by people that I have met, even just briefly, who have something nice to say.  For some reason we have a tendency to act like others don’t exist and just pass them by.  For those of you that take any amount of time to do something nice for another person, thank you, because you make me want to be better.  And on that note, the happiest, most love-filled day of my life was documented beautifully by Gonzo Lubel and Devon Collinge and here are some of my most special moments.

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RIP Bob Marley

His message was about love, for yourself and for others. He had such an impact on the world and the way people think. People of all races, ages, backgrounds and political beliefs can relate to his music and find value in his words. I have thought many times about what the world would be like if he were still alive. He was definitely one of the greatest gifts and at the same time one of the greatest losses the world has ever seen. On this day 30 years ago, we lost a great human being, but his soul lives on and I’m positive that he will never be forgotten. This is an interview that I saw a while back, that I just fell in love with.